how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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