after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
