alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
