I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
