Cold hands, warm shart.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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