So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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