Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
