OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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