Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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