My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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