I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
