I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
