Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My vagina is officially offended.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
