Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
