i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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