You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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