Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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