Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
