Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
