I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
