Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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