i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
organizing the empties. That sober.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
