we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
