I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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