I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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