mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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