Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
