I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
