dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
