He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
