Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
