based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
