im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
