Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
