people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
