Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
