fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
