I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
