I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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