I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
