I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I fill condoms, not promises.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
