I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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