The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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