I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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