Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
