wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
