I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
