I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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