do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
