Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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