i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
