I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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