I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
