And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
