i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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