Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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