He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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