did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize