Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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