I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
